We all go through trauma, adversity, and distress. It is unavoidable but we can empower ourselves by cultivating the resilience muscle. Resilience is our ability to bounce back from adversity and recover from difficulties. This does not mean you will recover unharmed, or that you will not experience stress or struggles, it simply means that when the challenges come, you will have the internal skills to support you in your journey to recovery.
How do I know whether I’m a resilient person?
Resilience is not something that can be measured tangibly but you can get a sense of your resilience by asking yourself a few things, including:
- How long do you take to recover from distress, trauma, or change? This recovery is not about moving on per se but rather feeling you have bounced back from the turmoil the situation may have caused. The situation may still be present, but you find yourself able to navigate it with less harm and paralysis.
- How much does distress erupt the rest of your life? The reality of life is that we will all go through adversity but how much impact do these things have on you? Does one thing going wrong destabilise everything else? A sign of resilience is being able to understand that rejection at work for a promotion, for example, does not mean your life is over. In fact, your family life may be prospering.
- Are you able to try again? Resilient people generally understand that distress is part of life and are not afraid to try again. Even when the fear may exist, it doesn’t debilitate the pursuit.
- How confident am I in my ability to fail and rise again? Failure is inevitable and unavoidable. You have to know how to deal with it without attaching it to your self-concept. Failure in one area of life does not make you a failure as a person.
2. Can I become resilient?
The simple answer? Yes, but you need to be intentional with your decision.
Even though resilience can be learned, there’s no guarantee that you will be resilient in all situations. Some experiences may destabilise you more than others. In those instances, you need to work a little harder to bounce back. The iterative process of bouncing back after challenges is a significant self-confidence builder. When you are self-confident, you are less afraid to tackle unfamiliar grounds, in assurance that if things fail, you will bounce back and recover.
3. How can I reframe my thinking to make more empowering choices?
Resilience starts with self-awareness. To reframe your thoughts and perspectives, you must first understand what that perspective is. Moreover, you must understand what events or past experiences have led you to have that particular lens of life and then reframing work can begin. The reframing work is about trying to see others’ perspectives so you can then evaluate whether your frame is based on reality and circumstances or if it's faulty and marred by past experiences. The assistance of a therapist or one of The Space Between Us’ workshops is key for this process because you can only question your own experiences to an extent. You need someone to help you through the process or at least be given the tools to do so.
4. What small, daily choices can I make to help me become resilient?
- Make a habit of tracking your emotions throughout the day so you are aware of what evokes various emotions for you.
- Emotional regulation is a big part of being resilient.
- Be self-aware.
- Ask for help when in need.
- Reward your small wins to continuously build self-confidence.
- Don’t shy away from challenges and problems, it builds muscle for problem-solving which is essential when going through adversity.
- Don’t be afraid of failure.
- Learn to attribute your self-esteem to your character and personality and not only performance.
5. What should I do when I encounter a setback?
- Feel: Pay attention to how you are feeling. Don’t avoid your emotions and go straight to problem-solving mode. Acknowledge the impact experienced.
- Identify how and in what areas the impact has affected you. Don’t catastrophise and over generalise the impact experienced.
- Go through a process of understanding what is within your control and what is not.
- The process of reframing your mindset is key in bouncing back.
- Emotional regulation skills are essential and these are taught in the workshops provided by The Space Between Us.
- And remember, don’t rush the process.
6. How can the Building Resilience workshop help me?
- The workshop is a practical engagement on how the tips above can be implemented.
- You will learn how to identify emotions, understand them, then regulate them during adverse times.
- The workshop also addresses how one can understand their thoughts and reframe them.
- It also goes into what habits you can then address daily to upkeep a resilient nature.
- It is interactive and not didactic and includes worksheets and activities that can assist one to already practice the skills that are addressed.
Book your spot for the Building Resilience workshop here.
Lwanele Khasu is a clinical psychologist with a special interest in empowering self-filters into relationships with others, development in career, and self-fulfillment.
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