Man To Man: There Is No Shame In Having Mental Health Difficulties
Clinical Psychologist and Artivist Mthetho Tshemese aka The Village Shrink speaks openly about his Mental Health challenges, including battling depression "If, as a Xhosa man, I can break the mould in seeking mental health support and can accept the very real benefits of being in therapy, I think you can too." Today he guides us through some of the things that may be holding us back from better mental health, and the things that can help us rise.Firstly, you may not know that you need help You might not even recognise that you may be having mental health difficulties. If we look at depression as an example, many of us don’t know what it feels like. And more than that, our masculinity can even mask depression. Before I could even consider that I was struggling with depression, all I knew was that I felt aggression and irritation. But there are also other signs we can watch out for. Watch your sleeping patterns. Are you sleeping too much? Too little? How is your energy? Depression can be quite immobilising at times. How are you coping with day-to-day challenges? Are you feeling overwhelmed? How have you been feeling over the last month? These are questions we must ask ourselves. We've got to be both vigilant and reflective because too many of us fall into the patriarchal trap of not allowing ourselves to be human, to be vulnerable, or to understand our own emotions. You may see it as a weakness That patriarchal trap I’m talking about is the way we’ve been stripped of our humanity. I often say “men are not born, men are made”. When we are raised as boys, we are conditioned, engineered, and socialised; made ready to perform the functions expected of us as men. And often that means to be the provider, to be the protector, to be strong. We normally don’t even see a doctor until we are heavily symptomatic, never mind a mental health practitioner. We see mental health difficulties as a vulnerability, as a weakness, and so we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge it. But I’m here to tell you that mental health is mental wealth. So here are a few more questions you can ask yourself right now. What do you do when life’s pressures and stressors overwhelm you? Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms? For example, I journal, or I write a poem, I may go to the studio and record a song, or I read, or sleep. What can you do to bring yourself back into balance? You may not even be sure what mental health really is Mental health is not the absence of stress or struggle. The World Health Organization gives us a good description of what mental health looks like, and I’ll give you a brief overview of it now. There are three components to mental health: the first is to pursue your potential, the second is to build the skills to deal with day-to-day challenges, and the third is your contribution to the community in a way that works for you.Let’s break those down. Look inwards The first component is to pursue your potential, and by that I mean your true potential. Not what you were raised to be, but who you want to be. There may not have been much room for negotiation between the two before today, so now I compel you to ask yourself: how much of who you are right now, or who you think you are, is actually a consequence of what you were raised to be? I've come to the conclusion that many of us men are living a very unconscious life, where we conform to expectations without really engaging our own self. So ask yourself, “Wait a minute, is my life even what I want it to be?” For our own mental health, we must learn to enjoy our lives in a meaningful way. Find purpose outside of what is expected of you. Explore what could make you happy, and take it one small step at a time. Build your own toolbox of healthy coping mechanisms There will always be a certain amount of stress that comes with modern day life, and that’s why the second component of mental health is to build the skills to deal with day-to-day challenges. And here’s where I come in with a warning for you: be wary of the things you might be doing to numb your pain. There is no judgement here, and often our behaviours are unconscious, but I urge you to start observing how you are managing conflict and handling stress. It can help to look at which desires we’re financing most. Are we buying things like alcohol to numb our pain? We all need to build our own toolboxes of healthy coping mechanisms – and I say “build” because we don’t just wake up with these skills. That’s why it’s always a good plan of action to see a therapist; they are the ones who can really help us build those skills. It also helps to be more pragmatic about how we can incorporate mental health into our lives. Just as you might dedicate some time towards being outdoors, pursuing your hobbies, or being physically active, you also need to dedicate some time towards your mental health. Even if that’s just one day a month. That’s just 12 days a year – you can do that, right? That one day a month is your time to access mental health care. Sit with a therapist who can help you clear your head and shift your perspectives, who can help you connect with the little boy you once were and find a healthy way to give him the things he needed but didn’t get growing up. This is the space where you can give that little boy the psychological hug he needs, where you can find out how to forgive yourself, where you can learn what you need to let go of, what you need to reward yourself for, and to honour how far you have come. Keep the conversation going in your community The third component of mental health is community. And one of the most powerful ways we can contribute to our community is to be there for each other. Especially as men, we need to create the language and the safe space to have these important conversations. You might be asking, “How do you expect us to be able to communicate and create a language for our feelings when we were not encouraged to talk about vulnerability?” And this is when I say, “If, as a Xhosa man, I can break the mould in seeking mental health support and can accept the very real benefits of being in therapy, I think you can too.” Too many of us suffer in silence. We need to break the stigma. We need to have open conversations and create safe spaces in our friendships. When we meet, we must check in with each other. Take the time to share our stories and listen to each other. We must listen when someone says they’re feeling overwhelmed or “not okay”. We must pay attention when someone starts isolating themselves. And we must recognise the courage it takes when someone tells us they are not okay. Because that is courage. It is not weakness. And I will say it again: there is no shame in experiencing mental health difficulties. These conversations we have with each other can be a powerful mental health resource in a country very clearly lacking. Be kind to yourself In all this, learn to be kind to yourself. Looking back, I can see how horrible I had been to myself, so I too am learning self-compassion. I'm learning to practice gratitude. And regardless of the situation, I’m learning to always look for something good, even if it's a simple lesson or a new way of looking at things. So from man to man, I say be courageous in your vulnerability. Be intentional in your pursuit of purpose, and be deliberate about investing in your own mental health. "From man to man, I say be courageous in your vulnerability. Be intentional in your pursuit of purpose, and be deliberate about investing in your own mental health."
Psychological Safety - Our Birth Right To Connection
“Psychological safety does not mean that you feel comfortable all the time. Psychological safety means you feel comfortable talking about what makes you uncomfortable.” – Esther Derby As a young professional the workplace is a space of great anticipation and excitement, but can also be a space of great uncertainty. Working relationships play a significant role in our adaptation, our integration and functioning within the working environment. We are inevitably faced with the responsibility of cultivating connections with our colleagues and leaders to ensure we succeed. Understanding psychological safetyOne of the key elements in helping us build these connections is having an environment that is psychologically safe. Sanchez, defines psychological safety as “the belief that you won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes”. When we are in a psychologically safe working environment, we are able to address issues without fear or punishment, and feel confident to make suggestions or clarify any confusion. We are reassured that there will be no reprisal or negative consequences to our openness and curiosity. When people do not feel psychologically safe in the working environment, it can lead to: more instances of interpersonal conflict; lowered productivity and efficiency; difficulty making decisions and solving problems; as well as stress-related mental and physical health issues. Research on psychological safety at work has consistently shown that it leads to stronger teams, improved employee engagement and leads to successful outcomes. Creating a culture of trust, respect and openness encourages opportunities to learn and grow, which improves employees’ motivation, innovation and creativity.It is also important to emphasise that psychological safety does not mean that people always have to agree, avoid conflict by any means or offer unconditional praise to others for the sake of being nice. But it does begin with the capacity of leaders for modelling behaviours that enhance safety and connection. A case in pointLet’s think of Sipho for example - a young man from a small village in the north of Pretoria who has recently started in a graduate programme at a prestigious firm in Sandton. Being the first in his family to graduate from university means he sits with the responsibility of “making it work” and meeting the expectations of those around him. As a hardworking young professional, Sipho did not assume the working world would be easy, but he has been feeling uneasy and uncertain about his ability to learn and grow in this new space. Everyone else seems to get on with things, but Sipho has been too self-conscious to ask questions or openly communicate his ideas in meetings. He finds that he asks himself a lot of questions – what if I sound incompetent? What if my ideas aren’t good enough? Am I really an important member of my team? How leaders can foster connectedness through greeting Greeting is one of the first ways in which we connect with others. While greeting is one of the basic functions of communication, it has also been shown to foster acknowledgement and belonging, elicit positive emotions (for both the greeter and the greeted), lead to positive conversations as well as provide an opportunity for connections to form and for relationships to grow. In fact, neurobiological research has found that when humans feel safe, we allow ourselves to become accessible to others without feeling or expressing threat and vulnerability. This sense of safety enhances social connections and allows relationships to evolve and for functioning to occur in a healthy manner.Leadership behaviour has been shown to have a significant impact on teams and in the working environment. Therefore, Sipho’s leader has the perfect opportunity to foster a safe and healthy working relationship with him, which can create psychological safety for him. Prioritising actions and behaviours which will make Sipho feel included and understood, will also allow him to feel free to approach his leader with queries, questions and ideas, which will inevitably support his learning journey. How can a leader start this process? By initiating connection through an intentional greeting every morning. A leader who shows genuine interest and initiates conversations based on getting to know their team members will form the basis of a psychologically safe working space. This will inevitably contribute towards the development of a learning culture which has positive long-term benefits for teams and organisations. References:https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-use-neuroscience-influence-psychological-safety-executive-coach/https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227/fullhttps://www.strategy-business.com/article/How-Fearless-Organizations-Succeedhttps://qz.com/work/1470164/what-is-psychological-safetyhttps://blog.degreed.com/psychological-safety-at-work-the-big-role-it-can-play/
Understanding Suicide
Suicide is death caused by injuring oneself with the intent to die. A suicide attempt is when someone harms themselves with any intent to end their life, but they do not die as a result of their actions, as defined by the American Centers for Disease Control1. However, suicide is more complex and a serious concern. The World Health Organization published its 2019 Global Health Estimates Suicide report, and a breakdown of suicide rates per country was provided. It is stated that 13 774 suicides were reported in South Africa in 2019. Of these deaths, 10 861 were men while 2 913 were women. This translates to rates of 37.6 per 100 000 for men and 9.8 per 100 000 for women. South Africa recorded the third-highest suicide rate out of all African countries in the report, at 23.5 per 100 000 population.2 On average, almost 3 000 people die by suicide daily. For every person who dies by suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives.3 In recent months prominent figures have died by suicide in South Africa, and their deaths are shining a light on suicide and the state of mental health. Understanding suicide can be difficult for someone who has not experienced overwhelming feelings such as hopelessness or worthlessness or being overwhelmed by thoughts of not wanting to live. For people in this state of mind, suicide becomes an alternative to ending their pain and despair. The intention is not necessarily to die, but simply, to end the intense and overwhelming weight of their circumstances. The complexity of suicide requires that it be understood in a broader context of mental health and social circumstances which may contribute to suicidal behaviour. Not all people who die by or attempt suicide will display these risk factors, however, this is a guide to some of the signs that may be present. The various factors that contribute to suicide include, however not limited to substance use or abuse, depression, bipolar mood disorder, anxiety, trauma, losing a loved one, either through a breakup or death, losing one’s employment, poor academic performance or being bullied, socio-economic situation, recurrent ideation about harming oneself, resolved plans and preparations to carry out the suicide, and previous suicide attempts, to name a few. Furthermore, risk can be at its greatest when an individual has the means, opportunity, a specific plan to carry out the suicide and the lack of a deterrent. Suicide is not a singular event as it has a far-reaching impact both on the person who has lost their life or attempted suicide and on the people in the person’s life. This causes significant physical, emotional and economic disruption. The health and well-being of loved ones, friends, colleagues and the community are affected by suicide and suicide attempts; as seen with the recent and publicised deaths of actor Patrick Shai and musician Ricky Rick which had devastating effects on their family and fans. The surviving family and friends are likely to experience shock, anger, guilt, trauma, blame, and symptoms of depression or anxiety. The suicide survivor may suffer from long-term health challenges, which may exacerbate depression and other mental health problems. Suicide can happen at any stage of an individual’s life, the differences are in the unique social, cultural, mental, emotional and economic experiences and circumstances that influence an individual to consider suicide. Suicidal behaviours among children and adolescents revealed risk factors such as difficulties in problem-solving, managing stress, social and family problems, influences of negative peer pressure or self-destructive behaviour and having suffered abuse. Further risk factors include difficulty in expressing emotions, low self-esteem and struggles with sexual identity, internally and externally, as seen in the recent News24 report of a 15-year-old Grade 9 learner from Soweto, who died by suicide after a teacher mocked him about his sexuality. With adults, difficulties in their relationships, financial challenges, career and employment, and other social determinants and mental health issues are contributors and the current economic climate in South Africa may further exacerbate suicidal behaviours. Among the elderly, it is commonly recognised that the overwhelming feelings of loneliness, regret and stagnation and depression are the major factor attributed to suicidal behaviour. Untreated depression may lead to suicide. It is important to note that the risk factors for suicidal behaviour differ according to age and life stages as people experience different life demands based on age, thus making it important to understand the many vulnerabilities, risk factors and triggers in a person’s life. Some people who perceive suicide as an option believe that they have become a burden on others and by no longer being around they are being selfless and that people will be better off without them, freeing them of the burden. Most people generally struggle to speak about their mental health struggles as these in some cultures or societies are heavily stigmatised and taboo, so there is more difficulty when speaking about suicide. Thus, when a person mentions suicide, it may be their way of warning us about what they are going through or thinking. To brush it off as something frivolous can be the difference between someone staying alive or dying. It is often misconstrued that people who mention that they want to die are perceived as attention seekers or weak or cowards, while in fact, they are deeply suffering and this is their cry for help. Talking about suicide does not necessarily lead to suicide, however, it offers people an opportunity to express what they are struggling with. At an individual level, taking time to listen and understand what others are experiencing may help save a person’s life. Most people who have suicidal behaviour and thoughts may not know where to seek help or fear talking about what they are experiencing openly out of fear of being judged as suicide carries a stigma. Educating and raising awareness and breaking the stigma and taboo around suicide is an important step in preventing suicide. Seeking professional help is critical in assessing and treating suicidal behaviour and a multi-disciplinary approach will yield better results and involve the relevant support structure in the process. References: Crosby A, Ortega L, Melanson C. Self-directed violence surveillance: Uniform definitions and recommended data elements, version 1.0 [PDF – 1 MB]. (2011) Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Suicide worldwide in 2019: global health estimates. Geneva: World Health Organization; 2021. Licence: CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 IGO.