Grieving and growing in the hybrid workplace
Is there a way that we can soften the reality of grieving in the hybrid workplace? And more than that, can we still find a way to grow in the midst of it all? Our TSBU writers team up with TSBU counselling psychologist Ivy Mugambi to find our way through.Nothing can quite prepare us for grief. The loss of someone we love, the loss of a dream job, or the loss of a way of life often affects us in ways we could never imagine. But there is always hope, there is always growth, and we can still find our way through – even in a world that is shifting like never before. The way we grieve has changedThere’s no doubt: the lines have been blurred. Where once it was easier to draw distinct lines between our work and our private lives, the advent of remote work, the “new normal”, and even the newer trend of the hybrid workplace, have smudged the edges we once knew. And this is exactly why TSBU counselling psychologist Ivy Mugambi says we should “gift ourselves with self-compassion”.In practicing self-compassion in our personal lives, rituals are an important step towards accepting our new realities and all the emotions that come with it. In every culture, rituals have always been accepted as a mark of change, and honouring those we love, but today’s world asks that we bring some of those comforting rituals into the hybrid workplace too.Mugambi says that rituals and routines can anchor us as we move through the highs and lows of our emotions. “Think of any act that replenishes your body, mind, and soul. It could be anything from exercise and gardening to playing music, prayer, and meditation.” One ritual that leans into the home as well as the workplace is to create a dedicated space in a room or on your desk for quiet moments of reflection. In How to grieve in a socially-distanced world, we explore more ways to create new rituals.Navigating grief in the hybrid workplace When your bereavement leave ends and you find yourself back at your desk, facing the everyday demands of work and productivity, you can take comfort in the knowledge that there are ways that you can make the most of the hybrid workplace – and soften the difficulties during your grief.Boundaries have become a little more challenging to establish and maintain in the hybrid workplace. But as challenging as it may be to set your boundaries, remember that they create not only a sense of safety for yourself, but can also foster clarity for you and the team you’re working with. Take the time to think about what is acceptable for you during this time, and communicate it in a way that is comfortable for you – even if you have to put it in an email.Isolation is something that many of us experience in the midst of our grief. Even when we’re in the company of others who have faced their own grief at one time or another, we can still feel a disconnection. We all work through grief in our unique ways. When the hybrid workplace comes into play, it often adds to these feelings of isolation. So if you’re feeling the need for more social connections with your colleagues, consider putting yourself forward for a team collaboration, a brainstorm, networking opportunities, or ask a mentor to take you under their wing. Burnout is a concern not just in grief, but in the hybrid workplace too. While stress is already heightened by the trauma of loss, the hybrid workplace makes many of us feel as though we need to constantly push the extra mile to prove that we’re not taking advantage of the self-directed nature of the new normal. Check in with yourself often, be aware of the signs of burnout, and keep your channels of communication as open and as clear as you can with a team leader you trust. The Burnout and Boundaries for Young Professionals podcast with TSBU clinical psychologist Lwanele Khasu is well worth a listen too!Better breaks are the new normal too in the hybrid work model. Place your focus on productivity rather than on the appearance of seeming busy. Even in the best of times our minds need a break, but it’s even more important when we’re grieving. ‘Grief brain’ can often make it harder to concentrate, so take the time to update your calendar with scheduled breaks for a walk, a little gardening, a journaling session, or even a quick nap if that’s what you need.Transforming grief into growth‘The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.’ – Mulan. You may have heard these words before, and although they may not ring true for you right now, scientists are actively studying what they call adversarial growth. Because it really is possible for us become stronger in our struggles.To keep growing as a person within the hybrid workplace, Mugambi encourages us to feel, to experience the emotions associated with what we have lost. Because our feelings affect our thoughts, which in turn affect our behaviour. “When we name our emotions, it allows us to release the trapped feelings, redirect that energy positively, to develop emotional flexibility through life’s ups and downs, and ultimately, to heal, and thrive.”Here are the questions Mugambi says we should ask ourselves as we grow through grief:What has changed? Acknowledge that losses come with change and that something in your life is now different. This mental acceptance allows you to embrace the facts of your reality.What am I feeling? Use feeling words to name the emotions connected to the changes in your life. Am I sad, angry, lonely, relieved, or frustrated? This is critical for your healing journey because it allows you to accept all the uncomfortable parts of yourself without judging. Journaling and mindfulness are just some ways to place your feelings in the present. What are my feelings telling me about my deepest longings? In asking this question, we start to recognise that there are values and lessons attached to our feelings. For example, the loneliness, sadness, and pain that is felt after the death of a loved one may be a reminder of how deeply we value family, friendships, and in general, healthy human connections. Mugambi also gently reminds us that grief is something we go through, not under, over, or around. So please remember to keep pulling your focus back to the things that feel nurturing and comforting to you. And remember that it’s more than okay to reach out for professional help when you start feeling overwhelmed.For clinical guidance in working through your grief, take a look at the TSBU Dealing with Loss and Grief online workshop to help you build skills and face these challenging times one day at a time. Or simply start by reading Ambiguous loss: Living with unresolved grief with TSBU clinical psychologist Bongiwe Sokhela as she breaks down the uncertainty of ambiguous loss.
Succeeding as an introvert in the workplace
Never mind what anyone tells you … introverted people can be a major asset in the workplace. So do yourself a favour, take a few moments with our TSBU writers and TSBU clinical psychologist Lwanele Khasu as we show you how to succeed as an introvert in the workplace.The world is not just about extroverts. Introverts have the skills to be leaders and movers and shakers, too. Just look at what famous introverts like Rosa Parks, J.K. Rowling, Albert Einstein, Meryl Streep, and Mark Zuckerberg have achieved. Have we got your attention yet? Excellent. Read on!How do I know if I’m an introvert?We think the dictionary needs a little updating. Because being an introvert does not necessarily mean that you are shy. TSBU clinical psychologist Lwanele Khasu says that introverted people can have high levels of confidence and voice their opinions easily, however they rather choose to form well thought out points before doing so. “We can actually learn from them but utilising the ‘stop, think, and act/speak’ methods that come very naturally to them.” she says.For a better understanding of personality types, we also look to psychologist Carl Jung, who popularised the introverted and extroverted personality types in the 1920s. And we love how he puts it in terms of energy.Quite simply, introverts and extroverts are two different personality types who give and gather their energy in different ways. Extroverted people turn outwards, towards other people to gain their energy. Introverted people turn inwards, into their own minds to gather their energy and to recharge. And while nobody is 100% introverted or extroverted, here are some signs that you may be leaning more towards introversion.You could be an introvert if you:Are very self-awareFeel quite comfortable being aloneHave few, but very close friends Prefer working on your own rather than in a groupAre drawn to jobs that give you more independenceLike to learn by watchingPrefer writing to talkingTake your time to make decisionsNeed some quiet space to concentrateFind yourself reflecting or daydreaming oftenFeel drained after spending time in a crowdWithdraw into your own mind to restDoes this sound like it could be you? For a more definitive answer, you can also take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test.How do introverts succeed in the workplace?One of the most important things to remember about your mental health as an introvert is to find ways to cope when the outside world becomes too much. The workplace can be very frenetic, so keep checking in with yourself and take a little quiet time to grab a coffee or take a quick walk when you need to recharge. The more you consciously develop a personal self-care plan, the more you can harness your strengths in the workplace. So let’s look at more tips for introverts to cope at work …Find a quiet space to work. Thankfully, this is a lot easier in the newer, more flexible hybrid workplace. But if you don’t yet have the freedom to choose where and when you work, try the headphone trick. Whether you prefer to play some music or create stillness with noise-cancelling headphones, you can keep the outside distractions at bay.Turn your listening skills into a superpower. Listening is a skill that tends to come quite naturally to introverts. It also just happens to be one of the most important skills for leaders. Those who pay attention are quicker to pinpoint problems and create solutions, are more empowered to create change, and can build a stronger network. So keep fine-tuning your listening skills!Make your natural introspection your team’s ultimate go-to. Because introverts spend a lot more time absorbing, contemplating, and processing, we can be the ones everyone else turns to when they need a fresh idea or a different perspective. It was the late theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking who once said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds” … be that loud mind!Be prepared to speak. You’re probably not very comfortable with public presentations, but it is still an excellent opportunity for career advancement. So when the invitations come, don’t just turn them down, or try to wing it. Accept, prepare, plan exactly what you’re going to say, give yourself a few practice runs, and when it finally comes down to it, stay focussed on your material rather than the audience. Be your own PR representative. The more extroverted among us tend to get more recognition. But it doesn’t have to be that way. One way to give your accomplishments more visibility without making yourself the centre of attention is to send out group emails from time to time that highlight the latest projects you’ve championed. You could also set up one-on-one meetings with your manager to underscore your recent accomplishments and initiatives.How do I accept myself as an introvert in a world culturally biased towards extroverts?Unfortunately, the extrovert bias is a real thing. In fact, former lawyer Susan Cain quit Wall Street to write a book about how society is geared around extroverts. And although society may currently be skewed towards favouring extroverts, Khasu says there is a big misconception about introverts and their ability to self-love and accept who they are. “Introverts are generally more self-aware than extroverts because they spend a lot of time listening to their own thoughts and understanding why certain things affect them.” However, Khasu points out that introverts like to “personalise the things that happen to them”. You may believe that you are the issue that needs to be solved, but this is just because of a tendency to overthink situations. So here’s a little guidance from Khasu…Learn to understand the things happening around you. If there are incidences at work, remind yourself that there may be more than one reason as to why they have occurred. Do not attribute mistakes or mishaps to yourself only.Learn to trust yourself. Extroverts may be more verbal than you, but that does not mean that their ideas are better. Honour and acknowledge the contributions that you give too. Understand your own quiet strengths. When you compare yourself to others, you undermine your strengths. So own your abilities!Give yourself an opportunity to make mistakes too. You can learn a lot from mistakes. So be less self-critical and give yourself the freedom to try new things without overthinking the outcomes. Create a close social circle. This circle can be an incredible support system without overwhelming you. Choose people who understand you so that you don’t have to overcompensate and drain your energy. If you’re still struggling with your introverted nature and find that anxiety impacts your everyday functioning, please reach out to your physician or a mental health professional. You can also find a wealth of skills and clinical support in the TSBU workshop Young Professional Programme (YPP): Building Self esteem Beyond Performance and Dispelling the Imposter Voice.Remember, you can succeed while still being authentically you!
An Open Letter on Mental Health on World Health Day
World Health Day was founded by the World Health
Organisation (WHO) to raise awareness about our overall health and well-being. As we celebrate this day again, we cannot
ignore how we think of, prioritise and navigate the issue of mental health.
Very often when we refer to health and well-being we focus on physical health –
whether we look and feel healthy and whether we are free from illness.
Meanwhile, mental health has been proven to be just as important as physical
health.Perhaps the reason we find it easier to focus on our
physical health is because our physical bodies are easily assessed when we are
unwell and we have tangible symptoms to report to our doctor. We go to doctors
and report a pain or injury, and they are able to conduct an examination which
yields some answers. People around us can also understand and tend to be more
sympathetic when they hear you are struggling with a dislocated disc in your
back or a bad flu. On the other hand, mental health is not always “seen”,
making it hard for people to express what is actually going on internally and
for others to truly understand that there is “something wrong”. For many of us
who struggle with our mental health, this difficulty to explain or describe
what we may be thinking or feeling, makes it feel even more lonely and
overwhelming.Sadly, there remains a great stigma around mental health
which is also why many people who struggle are still reluctant to speak about
it. In the past, mental health has been associated with negative connotations -
being “weak”, “unstable”, “troubled”, even “crazy”. Even though strides have
been made in mental health education and resources, people would still rather
keep mental health issues under wraps, struggling through the process of
healing in an isolated bubble rather than being exposed to the world. People
around us still fear being judged and misunderstood simply because they are
experiencing mental health difficulties and need extra support through it.Many people don’t realise that our physical health is
inevitably connected to our mental health too. It has been found that poor
mental health can be a risk factor for chronic physical conditions or harmful
behaviours. This also works the other way, where individuals with chronic
physical conditions are at risk of developing poor mental health or mental
health challenges as a result of being unwell. So there is actually no way of
thinking of our health without considering our mental and emotional health as a
major part of that – it simply does not work.On this World Health Day, let us not keep ignoring or
minimising the role of our mental health. Our mental health is vital to our
well-being as it affects the way we think, the way we feel and the way we behave
in our everyday lives and relationships. Our mental health is also responsible
for how we deal with stress, how we relate to others and how we overcome
difficult circumstances. Surely this impact means that it should be highly
prioritised, all the time? Surely it means that we cannot afford to let mental
health keep falling by the wayside when we have important conversations around
healing? In fact, the WHO states that “there is no health without mental
health.” As South Africans we can all play a role in mental health
education and ending the stigma against mental health. If anything, the Covid-19
pandemic has put the spotlight on mental health, forcing us to be more aware
and enabling us to take better care of ourselves and those in need. Here are
some ways in which we can play our part, no matter how small, in prioritising
mental health and work towards eradicating the stigma:Educate ourselves on mental health, what it is, different mental health conditions, what to look for and where to go for supportEducate and support others, especially in our own circles and communitiesBecome an advocate for mental health in our own spacesLearn about mental health first aid - how we can assist those in crisisSpeak openly about mental health as telling our stories, could help others in need or those who are struggling at aloneFamiliarise ourselves with mental health resources which we can turn to in times of needEven though there are still many improvements to be made,
there is no doubt that we can continue making consistent strides towards
raising mental health awareness, ending the stigma around mental health and
ensuring that mental health becomes and remains a national public health
priority moving forward. It is the
foundation for everything we do.